Terrible Twos and Managing Toddler Behavior

As my youngest is about to turn two, I have been educating myself on how to manage toddler behavior with effective discipline. I started making sure she had a good bedtime routine with adequate sleep, established a morning schedule, followed a diet with nutrient-rich foods etc. Although, I had prior experience with my twin boys, I thought a simple refresher on specific strategies would be more than enough.

However, all I seem to hear nowadays is “No”. Simple suggestions such as, “Want to go play with your dolls? Which coat do you want to wear?” were once met with enthusiasm are now being met with a high-pitched “No” and a mean stare. She most definitely used to love to play with her dolls, and usually loves to choose her fashions.

I have tried different approaches to circumvent such situations:

• “You have to wear your boots, missy…. Because mommy said so!” This approach works about 10 percent of the time.
• “If you put on your boots, we’ll go to the playground and you can ride your princess car, and we can get ice cream. Do you want ice cream?” This strategy usually takes several attempts and may result in doing extra things. This approach usually works about 40 percent of the time.
• “Look there is a squirrel outside and a grey bunny rabbit!” This approach usually works about 50 percent of the time. The idea of woodland creatures distracts my daughter out of a tantrum and into her boots.
• Giving in. “We can stay home today. It’s cold and wet outside anyway.” I usually use this approach when I can’t deal with the screaming and want my daughter to be happy.

Besides, all that stubbornness can be downright frustrating. I have learned to see it as an expected part of my toddler developing her independence.

What can you do to handle the situation?

• Be conscious of your usage of “No”: It’s important to realize how many times a day you are saying “No”.  I am not suggesting that you say “Yes” to everything, but to try and be selective with your answers. If your little one wants candy before their dinner, instead of saying “No,” try and explain they can have some after they finish their dinner. The less “No” they hear from you the less they will mimic.
• Establish a connection before a direction: Before directing your toddler of what to do, I found its useful to develop an attachment by using eye contact, stroking their upper arm and talking in a sweet calm voice. Reestablishing the feeling of connectedness helps a toddler dial back their stubbornness.
• Offer your toddler choices: Allow your toddler to make some decisions, so they feel less powerless. Before asking your toddler to go to bed, you can suggest what they would like to do first such as brushing their teeth, washing their hands/face or brushing their hair.
• Ask your toddler to help you: As human beings we naturally say “No” to things we don’t want to do. So, it’s important to appeal to your toddler’s side of wanting to please you. Try to frame your language so your toddler feels appreciated. “You would be such a big help if you can pick up all your toys and place them back into the toy storage.”
• Express empathy and understanding: To help transition your child from a joyful activity, such as playing a game or coloring books, express your understanding and allow them to see why it’s time to stop, before they throw a temper tantrum. “I understand you are having fun drawing with your crayons, but we have to get ready to meet your aunt Cathy. She is waiting for you.”

Patience is key to this developmental and as with many other stages this too shall pass. Just take a deep breath or give yourself five minutes to relax and try the above strategies. Remember your little one is a blessing from God and you are doing great.